Ever had a day where you just didn’t give a damn?
I looked in the mirror and felt it coming. Looked out the window and even though the sun was shining stronger than hades fire, I felt cold inside. People always ask me if I’m trying to die of heatstroke. Yeah, I’m the weirdo who wears turtle necks in summer, who wears a ball gown in the desert, who looks like an Eskimo in winter. I live in San Diego for chrissake. I get it. Still, I don’t give a damn. I like hiding my skin because I’ve gotten used to how the hardships of my life have kept me pale( yes, that’s my own inside joke that you almost certainly wont understand). I like being hot because I know what it’s like to be cold. The cold makes everyone harder. Warmth is happiness in my bubble. Don’t even think about poppin’ it. In death, I will leap into the fire instead of placing one baby toe into frostbite.
Cold to the bones. Have you ever felt so alone that you no longer want to feel the touch of another human being? Most people haven’t. I have. That doesn’t make me special. Regardless; I am special. I put that on my mommy.
I try to keep it classy. Every day is walking down the Victoria Secret runway. Grocery Outlet ain’t got nothin’ on this. My Angel wings are rose gold, and my nails are dipped is crystals. Except when I see chocolate chip cookies. Then I lose my shit and go into destroy mode. Little red darts shoot out of my eyes. Have you ever been hungry? Sometimes I see pictures of little kids who go beyond malnourished. They look like little fragile birds, but they make me think of very, very old people. Can you come back from that aging especially when you’ve aged a thousand years and haven’t even reached a quarter of a lifetime? But I wonder, do they feel hungry? Or is it just how they feel… Sometimes I’m hungry. But not little bird or old women hungry. There is no emptiness in my tummy. Only in the heart. As long as my hunger doesn’t reach the brain, I’m fine. But I’m lucky. I’ve had more full than hungry and I’m not ashamed to say it.
I’ve had more bliss than blizzards and when I see the rainbow in the sky. The arch reminds me that I better take advantage while my rays shoot up. Eventually, They’ll shoot right back down buddy. Will you be ready? Or does the thought make you get a nosebleed?
I’m talking Sh*% to the ones that will listen. I come with the Heat. I’m still the same and I ain’t switchin’.