Today was different from yesterday.

I woke and noticed my room was brilliant with sunlight, white on white. Reflections of clarity bouncing off the walls. It made me feel pure and washed away my doubts on how everyone was amazed that I had chosen white sheets, why I had painted my walls bright white, why I had always slept with my curtains wide open. I was addicted to the light and how soft it made me feel in the morning. How the darkness didn’t seem so cold, and especially how white made me see that no matter how much bad burn in my blood, the white walls would always be my sanctuary. Canvas in the morning, there was no such thing that could have felt fresher than this. It made me forget my dreams that woke me in the darkness past midnight.

But I was bathed in brilliance in the early hours of the morning. Last night I had given up all my loves. I had quit my job. I had scorned the worse habits of my friends. The rest of the world hated me. The only difference now was that we were on equal playing grounds. Still, the lightness of the room drenched me. Love soak fingertips. Eyes hazed and focused on the dust motes that sailed through the light. Smooth and soft, if only I could be gentle like the dust, like a new lover’s kiss. No capability of the chaos floating through the mind. Just serene light, holding me tight.

Don’t let me go light. No matter how many people leave me, how many times mankind disappoints me, please light, shine.

Only you can purge my dark, my damndest.

xoxox

Lindsay Reva