Number 1004o

I sat on the cold concrete floor and remembered how warm my hand had felt as he held it.

My palms weren’t even sweaty as they should have been. As they had always been, but instead completely dry and balance. Nothing to take away and nothing to add. I wasn’t afraid or lost as he led me down the path and we sat on a bench overlooking the dark blue sea. I remember thinking about how handsome he looked with the suns glow illuminating his cheekbones. He was stunning, he was rare. How the hell did he become the one to hold a hand like mine?

The floor was so very cold. It made me hurt. Still, it didn’t hurt as much as the memories did. Especially when I remember how he used to look at me.

We sat on that bench with the cliffs below us, burnt roses in the sky. Everything disappeared when he placed his hand in mine. His eyes, my eyes. One thousand words exchanged in one glance. Infinite meaning spoke in silence. I could have stared at him until the stars arrived and disappeared again. Who even needed stars when I had his shining eyes? 

I was tired of sitting on the hard floor. I wondered when I would feel my legs again. It didn’t matter though, nothing did. I was far, far away from anything which was once good. I was far from how subtle a kiss on his lips would taste.

His hand on my hair, up against my skull and the breeze had nothing on his fingers caress. Human beings were meant to be close. Closer and closer we crept. It’s funny how you think you’re so close to someone you can hear their heartbeat. But really, it was my own. We met half way, our lips the borderline. He had to keep his eyes open and I had to shut mine. 

I tried to make shapes out of the stains on the cold hard floor. But they would always come back to blood and filth reality. So I shut my eyes and wondered why I always had them closed when something as magnificent could have ever taken one step in front of me.

He held me and I let him take me. Why did he always feel like an extension of my thoughts? How did he know how I liked to be touched when I myself had no clue at all. Birds flew above, people passed on trails. He stood our ground. I defended our touch. 

I opened my eyes again and couldn’t believe I wasn’t in his arm. I couldn’t believe how cold and hard the ground felt. How lonely life can be. The other prisoners screamed down the hall. I shut my eyes and closed my ears, wondering if he had found someone new. Something more than what we could have had…

The sun had dropped and the light was almost gone. Still, we held on to each other, neither of us daring to ask for the time. He whispered in my ear, ” I don’t want to go.”   And I wouldn’t have let him. He kissed me on my neck. I kissed him on his cheek. We kissed each other gently on the lips. Clouds, sun, stars all passed. We continued.

I sat on the cold hard concrete and remembered where I was. Where I was…was nowhere. And where he was, I was never going back.

Slowly with time, Prisoner 1004 forgot what it was like to have a heart full of love. 
Eventually, the concrete floor no longer felt cold to her Either.

xoxox

Lindsay Reva