Escapism

All that existed was my belief.

Even when they told me I was no good, the voice in my head, somewhere down, down and deep on the trampled floors told me I was good. I had these images pass through my mind. As fast and unforgettable as a single lighting bolt in a black sky.

All though I was amongst the worse of our kind, and even though I was trapped in the gutters. I believed. In and out I breathed it. Up and down they threw me.

I believed because I could see something greater within my mind, and I could feel it in my heart. Thump. Thump. Thump. They told me imagination was for the fools. They told me that the only thing that matter was the reality. If that was the case, then why the hell did these pictures come to me in the middle of the night when my head lay against my dirty pillow, flashes cleaner than snow, smoother than water, slicker than ice. Still, they told me I was wrong. And everything inside told me I was right.

They looked at me like I was scum. The person I saw in my head was far from scum. She was brilliant, she was bold. Like no one I had ever seen in my life. Who was this person? And why did she have my face and yet look nothing like me? The way she set her jaw, was nothing like how I set my own. Why couldn’t I set my jaw like her?

How much I would give to be just like that. I would die for her. I would sell my soul for her. She has power without even saying a word. All it took was a simple glance in absolute silence. In all my fuss and fits, I had nothing…

They scorned me and I walked away. As I do I close my eyes and I see her bright like an open flame in the desert sky. The darkness made her brilliant. If only I could have a tenth of her light. Even a pinch of her would wash away my bruised and battered ego. If she wanted, she could burn down the walls to every single one of my minds prisons.

She had strength in her backbone. You could see it in the way she stood.

She was me. She was my belief. Then why the hell was she always escaping from my reality?

Because you let her.

xoxox

Lindsay Reva.