What Did I Do With My Life?

Are you tired and weary because one thing pulled you away from your dreams and aspirations and for some reason you never let it stop tugging so that now on this very day, you can’t even remember what it is you wanted?

I feel you. That’s why I keep my guard up at every avenue. When someone asks me to help them I never forget that it is one thing to help someone, another to hurt oneself. When a job is offered sometimes I don’t even think twice about turning it down because I can see how far I would go, I would succeed(Doubt is POISON), and that it would take me very far away from my original plan. Why go far in a field that doesn’t set your heart on fire? And yes sometimes there is prestige that you must consider, other benefits. After all, life runs its course and some contacts can make it run to the path of the better. But after a lifetime spent under a boss you despise and a company you object, what are you left with when you look out onto the horizon in your golden years and sense that you have settled into a void of unaccomplished?

Will you say the words, what did I do with my life? Yuk…

In this life which is long and also so very short, I want a love that will make me feel complete, I want a job that makes my life fulfilled, I want to learn the things that excite my mind. I want and I shall have.

One day I sat down and thought everything was over. Life had no meaning, I was DONE. After I went through all that mental anguish and acceptance, one thing I did was look back through all of my memories and achievements. I saw as clear as a red sun rising high in a blue sky that I had lived a life for others. Through my failures, I saw that I fell in love with people who were no good for me. Made choices that had .01% of thought involved. I did for others as if my life depended on it. And so I was forgotten and a shell of a human being who had no real goals or guidance. I looked back on my life and actually said, What did I do with my life?

Yet it doesn’t have to be like that. I’m tired (the bags under my eyes are a clear indicator) and weary as hell but it makes me so unbelievably happy to know that I am one step closer to reaching the goal that in 70 years (yes one day I’ll be OAF) will make me say, damn girl, you killed it. 

Queens United, now we have to start thinking hard. Let the hunt begin, I’m out for the kill.

xoxox

Lindsay Reva

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